4

All of it.


I want it all, and by that I mean all of it. This is one of my most sincere statements.

I want my cake and I want to eat it too.

I want all the love, all the friendship, all the happiness.

I want all the laughter, all the partnership, all the comfort.

I want it all, from the smallest details to the big ones. I want to feel it all, live it all, dance it all, taste it all, and yes…know it all.

I know this might sound like a very selfish statement and you might think who the hell does she thinks she is?!?!… [brat]… but don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing to have all these desires which are bigger than myself.

I want all the road trips, all the poetry, all the beer, all the virtue. See all the places, from caves to mountain tops. Photograph all the sunsets and all the mysteries of the sea. All the happy memories, gorgeous models and cutest babies.

Most importantly, I want to see the people I love be happy above their wildest dreams.

I want it all, till the last drop.

XOXO -San

1

Good Bye Brush! ;D


All the good things in life mess up your hair: making love, jumping, dancing, running, laughing until your back hurts. That’s why I hope you live your life with a messy hair.

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“She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.” – Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell 

XOXO Always

- San

3

Nothing compares to HIS love.


It’s all about Your Love… For the Bible tells me so.

Jesus. Jehovah. Messiah. King of Kings. Lord of Lords. Prince of Peace. Son of God.

All of my past, present and future sins are irrelevant in front of your Kingdom. The wickedness of my ways don’t  matter when it comes to your Glory. Every tear, every heartache, any anger, bitterness or hate lingering in the corners of my heart are so meaningless when I’m confronted by your immeasurable Love and Grace.

Jesus is it indeed all about you. I’ve heard that numerous times in songs, read it in posts and it’s been used in so many sermons, but its real to me when I’m overwhelmed by your undeserving Love.

When I measure to understand the anguish and anxiety in your last prayer for my behalf, volunteering to die on the cross, every drop of blood dripping from your body, every beating, each lash on your back,  every tear you cried out to the Father brings me to my knees laying everything to your feet my heart brakes. Where nothing else matters, not my pitiful arguments or life decisions, who has done me right or wrong, not the mistakes I have made or the smart chooses I have done. Jesus you come on Top. Always. Even though you know I would fail, even though you knew I would turn my back on you, your love still reminds.

Ultimately it’s all about you Jesus. Even this blog.

-San

2

Oh, that I don’t care attitude of mine.


The rain pours, like each of my thoughts,  I can feel my heart beat matching the water drops from the sink, and just sit here blank, adding another brick to the wall I’ve built over time. I don’t cry, even if I wanted to. It’s not longer pain, or disappointment that hurts, but rather that silent anger that branches out quietly around my heart fogging my mind. Its okay tho, I really don’t mind. I stop making apologies and excuses for their actions. It is what it is. Sometimes the people you love and those that are supposed to care the most about you are the ones that make you less and less sympathetic, less respectful, less devoted, less caring. I hear the whispers telling me “just distance yourself, it’s the healthiest thing to do” which is what I do. I keep my distance, praying that anger doesn’t turn into any form of hate…but ultimately at this point I just don’t care.

Confessions of an angry butterfly
-San.

14

The day I chose to start publishing all my drafts…


I usually tend to write posts and keep them as drafts, waiting to make a nice post out of it, or maybe trying to fix them up for later, sometimes they are just bits and pieces that never really make it to the “Publish” button. I was going through some of them this weekend and I asked myself, how come I never post this? and truth is because I find myself lost in my thoughts, trying to put them into words that make sense. In an essay format more than less or make them sound “blog appropriate” but I fail over and over again.

I have this rush of feelings and ideas about love, friendship, art, memories, God, the present, the struggle, inner peace, happiness, lessons, etc..that come in the most inconvenient moments. Either when I’m sitting at the laundrymat waiting for my clothes, while I’m driving in the Miami traffic, when I’m staring at the moon through the wooden blinds in the middle of night or when I’m at work having a headache from hell.

Therefore I came to the conclusion that I should just spill them out.. just as they come, without trying to make them sound poetic or grammatically perfect… before they consume me…
I will just spill them out, and let them take their course. Maybe they won’t defined me as a writer or successful blogger, but they will be as proof of a woman who loves words and its power.

“Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide”
-D.W. Winnicott

5

Keep Calm. It’s only 25


I won’t deny that for the last month I’ve been going through what is called the “Quarter of a life crisis”, where I am constantly thinking about the past, the future, where I stand today and where am I going. Seeing my finances, what have I accomplished, continuing school, looking for a new job, married life, health, getting back into fitness, this and that…(catch breath) ..well you get the point, trying to avoid the idea that I am indeed growing up. When I started writing this post I wanted to share something catchy or cool like “25 lessons I’ve learned by the time I turned 25”, “25 benefits of turning 25″,  ”25 things to do in your 25th birthday” and so on, truth is when I opened my eyes today I had….nothing. All I know is that today I will do the things I love. Starting by writing this post (and sharing with you all ;) ) , I am going to take pictures by the bay, eat out, drink, dance, dance and dance some more.

Today I woke up being 25 years old, and meditating on who is in my life, how far I’ve come, what has been given and taken from me and my heart is filled with an abundance of gratitude. I am undeserving blessed and favored by the main man up in the heavens. I thank God and those I have had the privilege to know and have blessed my heart with their presence, love, care and friendship. Finally an even bigger thanks to those who have been around for the long run by my side, taking the risk to love and share a piece of their soul with me.

Once this weekend is all set and done, when I blow my candles, dance my feet off and Monday comes back again, I know that my life and the rest of my days are perfectly placed in God’s hands, I will remind myself to light up, and be happy. So cheers! to the best years of my life that are yet come :)

XOXO – San

 Surprise Birthday Party

 

3

To you girly.


To you,  who has been blessed with your child and your partner. To the single mother, who has strength and courage to be both parents. To you, who’s a mother in her heart. To the mothers that have lost their child and the mothers that never had the opportunity to meet them.

To you who knows unconditional love, who gives it all and some. To you who rejoices, who dreams, who sadden, who worries for their child. 

To the grandmother, the aunt, the sister or friend that play the role of a mother.
To you who  became a mother the moment you read the word “positive”. To you who wishes and tries to become a mom.

Happy Mothers Day.

XOXO -San

11

We never know when the bus is coming.


Death, a topic many people avoid, including me. We are wired to know, we are all going to die one day – yes of course, but when death is real, when it is someone you know, a relative or friend then that’s a different scenario.

A few months ago I went to a funeral for one of my closest friend’s father, and I must say, I only lasted 30 minutes in there. I have been to funerals before, but this one really got to me. The thought of a soulless body, a body that used to speak and joke with me, the pain and hurt of my friend, and over all, the fact that we are going to die. Not really knowing when or how but we will…

Death has a way of showing you, where your life is at, what is supposed to be important, how are you truly living and why, but most important where are you going to spend eternity. This life is truly temporary, one day I might be surrounded by grandchildren or not, I might have a successful photography business or not, I might be able to write a book or not, I might have a huge party celebrating my 50th birthday or not, I would have travel a lot or not, have kids and see them grow up or not..who knows? Bottom line is the everyday that counts; it is really today that counts.

Enjoy the things you still can control. Always say yes when asked to see your friends, drink your coffee in the mornings, recognize that positive changes rarely happen overnight, accept the mess-ups but try not to let them happen again. There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet, appreciate the people in your life, look for the good, try new things, laugh often, try to be kind, cry when you need to cry and let it all out, accept who you are and take breathers from time to time. 

I love and relate to this writing from Rachel C. Lewis, enjoy :)

XOXO – San

“I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether it’s your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.”

-Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them

3

Liebster Blog Award!


What a great surprise to receive this nomination. Thank you Nina from Wordsthatflowlikewater  for thinking of me!. This award is to recognize fellow bloggers and help others discover new blogs.

The liebster blog award sdf

So, there are rules:

1)  Link back to the blogger who nominated you.

2)  Answer 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you.

3)  Nominate 9 new bloggers and come up with 11 new questions for them to answer.

4)  Notify your nominees by visiting their blog and commenting.

The questions Wordsthatflowlikewater gave me are:

1)  What is your favorite book of all time?

Eat, Pray, Love

2) Who is the person who inspires you the most?

My dad.

3) What was your secret dream as a child?

I wanted to be  Kimberly from the Power Rangers. (The Pink one of course LOL) and hook up with Tommy.

4) Continuing from Q3, are you still chasing the dream?  Or have you given up?

I don’t understand the question…what is Q3? specifically?

5)  Who is the one person you ever want to meet in this world?

I would like to meet my future self right now…maybe the 70 or 80 years old me, if I am still alive by then of course.

6) If you could be someone else, who would you be?

Queen Elizabeth II.

I admire her, her life story and the influential person she is today.

7) Favorite quote?

“Vas pal’ el cielo y vas llorando” meaning “You are going to heaven and you are crying on the way”. It’s a funny way of saying  “appreciate what you have”

8) Favorite season and why?

Spring. I love love loooove seeing the flowers when they are blooming, the nice warm breeze at night, bright sunny days without the humidity and being able to wear spring dresses everyday :)

9) Do you have a place you like to use as like a ‘secret garden’?

Yes, a park with a bench looking over a lake.

10) Where do you want to fly the most?

France and Italy.

11)  What is your favorite imagined place – can be from a fiction, movie, mind space and so on..?

This place actually exist. It’s located in Krabi, Thailand (I wish I could live there). Google it and let it take your breath away. ;)

And My lovely Nominees!

Joesorandom

GilGonzalez

TheSirenstale

Vegemiteandmaplesyrup

Monikasjourney

Implied Inference

Unbuhoenmibuhardilla

Natureswalkphotography

Risinghawkspeaks

My Questions For You:

1. What one movie do you never get sick of?

2 . What inspired you to make a blog?

3. If you could listen to only five albums for the rest of your life, which ones would you choose?

4. If you had the opportunity to spend a week anywhere in the world, where would you go?

5. What’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten?

6. What are your favorite hashtags?

7. What is your happiest memory?

8. What’s your favorite quote?

9. What do you love?

10. Is there anything you’re really passionate about?

11. Do you collect anything?

Thank you again for this nomination, and I hope many others get to visit these great blogs

XOXO – San

8

I wish I was a mermaid


After spending last Sunday looking at this view, I truly wish I was. I guess I enjoy the idea of swimming deeper and deeper into the ocean, then again seeing the clear waters. I enjoy silence, peace, being part of something big, and the sense of freedom. I would be fascinated by the world underneath us, the colorful fishes and creatures that you only see in aquariums or National Geographic…( I really need to go scuba diving LOL) …anyway back to reality, the ocean always finds a way to bring me peace and teach me something .

This gorgeous picture perfect view and the sound of the waves reminded me that there’s still places to visit, poems to write and people to meet. There’s still photos to take, languages to speak and lessons to learn. I still have muscles to tone, jokes to tell, and goals to accomplish. To stop drowning in puddles but learn to swim in the ocean.  And finally that my heart is big enough to keep loving, to dream, to forgive, to share my light…

…can’t wait to start swimming… :)

XOXO – San

 The mind is a powerful force. It can enslave us or empower us. It can plunge us into the depths of misery or takes us to the heights of ecstasy. Learn to use the power wisely. -David Cuschieri